Nightmare
by Crossfade
Summary: A little fluffy. A little freaky. Jesse comforts Suze after she has a 'bad dream.' And somehow, Nightmares seem a little less frightning when you have someone to hold you. [JS. Post-Darkest Hour. Pre-Haunted.]


**Nightmare**

Post-Darkest Hour. Pre-Haunted. After the Shadowland incident, Suze has nightmares. And although he is AWOL towards her, Jesse becomes her Guardian, even if it is for only one night. J/S

* * *

I heard a slight sound coming from my window seat. Not moving from my position underneath my covers, I opened one eye to see what was bothering me so late at night. I almost fell out of bed from what I saw – note the _almost_ – and it took all of my self-control to prevent me from run over to the window seat and sit with him…

Because he was there. The man I loved was sitting on my window seat.

I closed my eye again but the visage of his face lingered in my mind, instead of the haunting, cold azure eyes of Paul Slater – my arch nemesis who left me to die in the astral plane after attempting to exorcize my boyfriend – I saw the deep brownness of Jesse's irises staring back at me, with only one raw emotion flooded through them.

Love.

But you see, that would just have to remain in my head, because Jesse didn't love me. Sure, he _liked_ me… but that was it. A respectful, friendly and honest relationship, nothing more.

That doesn't mean, however, that I wanted a respectful, friendly and honest relationship. Sure, respectful, honest… peachy. But not friends. I didn't want to be friends.

I wanted to be… more.

That could never happen. Jesse could never love a person such as myself, as he had shown me once he apologized for kissing me – a spine-tingling, beautiful kiss by the way – and then became all AWOL on me, he rarely spoke to me now… hell, I rarely see him now.

All because of that stupid, beautiful kiss.

Maybe I was too easy? Yeah. That would be it, I mean, sure I know I'm not too good at kissing, but there is no need to rub it in. I feel enough pain already what with Jesse ignoring me now, about the only good thing from this was that Paul Slater was gone, moved back to Seattle with his family…

Thank god.

Actually, why am I thanking god? I hate god! Yeah, you, God, Listen. I. Hate. You. Why did you have to make me fall in love with Jesse? Why did Jesse have to be dead? Couldn't he be… oh I dunno, a nice, LIVING guy? But nooooo… YOU MADE HIM DEAD! YOU BAST-

Uhm… Yeah. Don't mind me. Step away carefully, I might blow a fuse.

Anyway, back to the matter at hand. So Jesse came to see me right? I'm guessing if he realizes I'm awake, he'll disappear… something I do not want. Definitely not. I wanted him to stay right here, with me, and hold me, protect me…

Love me.

I turned over in my bed, away from the window seat, away from him. I couldn't do anything else, I was afraid that when I opened my eyes again – well, call me stupid all you want, but I was afraid…

He'd be gone.

I grumbled slightly at the feel of cold sheets below me. The mattress which was usually soft, had gone unbelieveably hard. I didn't know why, perhaps god was just picking on me again.

Yeah. That's it. It's god's fault.

_No…_ A small fraction of my mind said – the same small fraction that once told me to give Jesse more time when I was newly moved into Carmel… the same small voice that I never told my Mom's therapists about. _It's not god's fault. It's no one's fault, but if you have to blame someone, blame Maria De Silva and Felix Diego, because if it wasn't for them, this would never have happened._

Too damn straight.

Sighing, I tried to get to sleep. My eyelids had become suddenly really, _really_ heavy as I had listened to that small voice of reasoning. I decided to heed its words once again, usually its advice was right… except maybe about the giving Jesse more time thing, he didn't come around. Nope, he just kept on persisting.

But that's not his fault.

That's not God's fault.

That's no-ones fault.

Yeah. Blame it on good ol' no-one.

Me.

I'm a no-one. Just a hormonal female mediator whose life is forever going down the tubes, who is in love with a ghost and cannot face the fact that this is basically all her fault for being so careless.

Putting my defences down, I tried to fall asleep.

Slowly and carefully, I drifted off into a deep slumber.

* * *

_Oh little Susie, Come to me, I will not harm you, Just come a little closer. Susie. Little Susie._

Where am I?

_In your own mind._

What does that mean?

_Your sleeping._

But… how can I… do… this?

_Not everything in mediation is bad, Susie._

Don't call me Susie.

_Oh come now, Child. Don't be like that. I only want to help you._

Bullsh-

_Your falling, Little Susie, and there is nothing you can do about it. You will never know if he loves you if you do not try to reach him, try to get past this barrier of life and death. I know you can do this… Just believe in yourself._

You sound like one of those voices in a fairy tale.

_Every fairy tale has a good ending._

My life is no fairy tale.

_Are you sure about that, Susie?_

Oh, I'm Sure.

_Positive?_

Positive.

_Well. You will just have to see then._

What does that mean? What are you implying?

_Dream._

Dream?

_Yes. Dream. Dream about the horrors you have witnessed, Dream about everything wrong in your life… Dream, my child. I will help you. I will make you dream…_

But…

_Yes, Susie?_

I-I… I…

_If you will not dream, he will not come, if he does not come, it will lead to your horrible demise. Do you want to dream, or do you want to die?_

I don't want to die.

_Then dream._

…

_Just dream._

* * *

I felt myself toss and turn in my bed. I was doing it sub-consciously, my mind was infiltrated with the various images of Shadowland popping up everywhere.

_Stars… corridor… exorcism… More stars… doors… doors everywhere… running… fog… unable to breath… blue eyes…_

I heard someone step up and walk towards my bed. Or the direction I thought was my bed… there were footsteps. Dully throbbing. Like the pain in my head.

It must have been my imagination because no one was in my room.

Except…

No. It couldn't be.

_Dizziness… cold… fog… doors… stars… glowing… destruction… laughing… powerlessness… vulnerability… abandoned…_

…_Blue eyes…_

Someone was there, someone was definitely there. They were shaking me, lightly, not rough like some other people I know of. Just gently, as if they were afraid I might break. Because I might. Break, I mean. Emotionally anyway.

_Fighting… Paul Slater… Jesse… Shadowland… ghost glow… laughing… incapable of moving… fear… _

_Just dream._

'Susannah! Susannah! Wake up!' The voice was slightly caressed with a Spanish accent. I could vaguely hear myself saying something, not under my breath, but not yelling it either.

'No… No… Don't… I don't want to die… Don't leave me here all _alllloooooonne_!' I could without doubt hear myself that time. So could, apparently, the person standing directly above me, because the shaking and the desperate whispers grew more intense.

'Susannah, Please… Wake up!' I knew it was Jesse. The accent was a dead give away… but why was he here? I thought he hated me? Does this mean he likes me? Just a little?

My heart swelled with hope.

That didn't, however, stop the dreams from continuing.

Or should I say… nightmares.

Because they were most certainly nightmares.

Dreams were supposed to be pleasant, nightmares are… well…

The complete opposite.

Familiar pictures were flashing before my eyes.

_Fog… laughing… doors… stars… corridors… running… endless… _

_Don't step into the light…_

…_The light._

The vision changed.

_Paddock… lovely green grass… my family… mom… dad… me… Jesse alive… skipping in the field… spinning… dancing… falling into the grass…_

_Knives._

_Just dream…_

_Pierce through me._

_Just dream…_

_Crimson droplets…_

_Just dream…_

_Blue eyes…_

_Shadowland._

_Just dream…_

'I DON'T WANT TO DIE!'

_Brown eyes._

…_Jesse._

* * *

'I DON'T WANT TO DIE!'

I realized I said that aloud when suddenly my eyes snapped open and I saw the intense gaze of Jesse's dark brown – almost black – irises. They were showing more shock and naked concern than anything I have ever seen before and I knew… just knew… that I had said that last part out loud.

Jesse was on top of me… literally. I don't know how he ended up there, but all I could feel was his ghostly weight on my body, making parts of me numb, but other parts were having fireworks set off around them.

His hands were on my shoulders, gently. His touch was sending cold shivers down my spine – the good kind, of course – and his face was so close to mine, we were nose to nose.

Actually, that's not true, we weren't nose to nose, but his forehead was resting on mine. All I had to do was lean in and…

_Just dream._

I jumped in surprise. The voice, the same voice that had told me to dream was back again. Jesse visibly looked relieved. His body, however, was as tense as a body could be, I could tell we were in a situation.

However, if it wasn't for him and his brown eyes… I would have never woken up from that dream.

Okay… I exaggerate. I would have, only it would have gotten much worse.

'Susannah.' That was all. Just my name.

I looked expectantly up at him, my eyes must have been huge, because they were widened to an extent where they stung slightly, the sting going after a minute, leaving a dull throb.

I couldn't really find anything to say.

Then I heard it again.

_Say his name._

I obeyed. 'Jesse.' My voice was barely a whisper.

The fireworks were getting stronger now and spreading more rapidly through my numbed body, the shivers were threatening to rise again and I felt as if I just wanted to succumb to the carnal urges of my mind and kiss him as hard as I could…

But I knew I couldn't.

_Release the breath your holding, calm down._

I obeyed once again. I calmed, my breathing returning to normal, I closed my eyes for an evanescent second before opening them again.

He didn't disappear.

I was wrong in thinking that though, because a moment after I did, a shower of azure materialization was threatening to show.

There was only one thing I could think of saying.

_I don't want to die._

'I don't want to die.'

_Stay with me._

'Stay with me.'

_Be here for me. To hold me. To protect me…_

_To love me._

* * *

_**Be my guard just for tonight, that is all I'm asking for  
Take me under your wing, i can't make it anymore  
I am so full of fear, may you read a book to me  
And when the shadows grow won't you stay with me**_

I chanced a look at him. No longer were the beads of materialization there, no. He was as solid as a ghost to a mediator could be. He wasn't leaving.

I knew that if he did, that the dreams would come back. Haunt me like shadows do in the corners of my room, with the lack of light.

The shadows were of my past… my nightmares… the corners were my refuge.

Jesse was my nightlight.

_**Will you be my guard tonight. that is all I'm asking for  
Will you be my guard tonight, that is all I need to know**_

His face was unreadable. It was as emotionless as I knew Jesse's face could be… and damn. That was pretty darn emotionless.

The eyes were a different story.

Orbs of liquid brown, they gazed into me as if searching my mind for any answer to his countless questions. They shone slightly by the light of the moon but it emphasized them in a way that could never be achieved by anyone living. He was gorgeous… he was perfect… he was…

My guardian angel.

'Will you stay?' A nod. That was all I could get from him. Ever since I repeated my words 'I don't want to die,' Jesse had sat up abruptly, assembling on the opposing end of the bed and staring at me with his opaque, heavy gaze.

**_Be my guard beside my bed, that is all I need to know  
Will you please hold my hand, don't you ever let it go  
All the wonders of the world for a little second more  
I can't speak but can't you see, it's your touch I'm crying for_**

I didn't know what possessed me to do it. But I did. I leaned over to him and took his hand in mine, carressing the calluses of his knuckles and just gazing down at the bronze, glowing hand that was now entwined with my own.

Something must have been slipped into my OJ that night, because I did something _else_ I would never do.

I felt my eyes well up with unshed tears.

_**Will you be my guard tonight, that is all i'm asking for  
Will you be my guard tonight, that is all i need to know**_

If it were in any other night, and any other situation, I would have laughed at his face. But this was different, this was way different.

Slowly crawling towards him, I flopped down into his lap, exhausted. He let me. Still with a shocked expression… but he still let me curl up in his large arms, my hand still in his. I felt the material of his 1850's lace shirt against my flaming red cheeks, not because I was blushing, but because I was _crying_.

Those dreams… they were the worst. I may seem exaggerating to you, but they weren't… the things that I have mentioned were not the only things that I saw.

My family. All dying. In front of my eyes.

Myself dying. Pain coursing through me. In front of my eyes.

I don't want to die.

I don't want my family to die.

Shuddering… crying… uncontrollable sobs. I could feel every single one come out of me, Jesse was trying to comfort me and was almost succeeding. He had pushed me more upright, so I could see his face and so he could see mine as the tears fell from my face.

He banished my sobs with his kisses.

He thawed out my shudders with his warm embrace.

He soaked up my tears with his gentle carressing.

_**Be my guard just until dawn, when I can hear the birds again  
I'm as helpless as can be, will you guard my little flame  
If we never meet again, you shall always keep in mind  
That you were my guard tonight, that you were my guard tonight  
Will you be my guard tonight. . .**_

My voice was foreign to me… but I meant ever word. 'Just hold me… protect me…'

_Say it._

'Love me.'

The words he said next broke my heart over and over again. But not with pain… but with so much emotion I couldn't keep it in anymore. I sobbed mercilessly in his chest. He didn't kiss away these tears or defrost out my frozen body… he knew I had to do this, I had to cry, I had to thaw myself out and I had to end my own suffering. Because he has done all he could.

'_My Susannah. Mi Querida. I will always be here to hold you, protect you… love you…_

_And to be your guardian angel.'

* * *

_

A/N: Personally? Yeah. I like it. However, it does seem OOC, and I'm sorry that it had to come out that way. I am too lazy to bother changing it. The song, By the way, was one I heard of the radio, so I copied it from there… Sorry if there are any mistakes in that department. I will try and find the artist of this song and praise them as soon as possible. Anyways… Do you like it? Does it suck? Please… Tell me your views!

Or I will get Elmo to run you over with a green eighteen wheeler whilst a wrecking ball swoops down on your house, thus breaking your computer… aka. Your whole life… MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! realizes she just said that to REAL people with REAL lives unlike her UNREAL life… (Unreal in a bad way… nooooo… I aint no medium… I have no life) DOH!

Go homer.

Love,

ValiantGoddess.

P.S. Actually, I'm not done here. I think I'll include it down here that I am making a new fic as I write (or at least planning it)… this one is a full length one (if I can be bothered doing it, that is) and is sort of… well… extremely weird.

**Here's a teaser:**

_She was around 5'9, not very taller than myself, but taller nevertheless. She had a pair of cerulean blue eyes that seemed to look vaguely familiar which also captured the whole enigmatic look, russet brown hair that fell in waves to her elbows, just how I one-day fancied mine to be and creamy skin that was just a shade lighter than mine._

_Thin, pink lips curved upward into a broader smile, it was then she began to speak after finishing her observation. 'I was hoping that you could help me,' Her voice wasn't dark and haunting like I thought it would be, but as silky smooth as Jesse's, without the Spanish accent of course. This girl didn't strike me to be the shy type, I knew she was not._

_I trod lightly around ghosts, so I said in an all casual tone, 'Of course.' Elizabeth seemed pleased at this, 'So… Elizabeth–'_

_She interrupted, however, not rudely. Just stating a fact. 'Just call me Liz,' She said with another smile._

_I nodded, sitting up and pulling away from Jesse who was gazing as intently at Elizabeth as I was. 'Alright, Liz then. Did you have any unfinished business you need to attend to?' Liz looked thoughtful, her smile dissappeared and she stood from her seat on my bed._

_Sighing, Liz reached into a pocket of her jacket. She spoke after handing me the piece of paper she withdrew from the jacket, 'Yes. There is one thing. This is an address to my Grandfather's house, if you could ask him where 'Elizabeth's Journal' is, he will give it to you. Don't ask my stupid brother though, he will just tell you to get out of the house and leave them alone.' She found this indistinctly amusing, nodded and then in a shower of azure light, dematerialized before I could register what was on the paper._

_When I did get to glance at the paper, my eyes widened and I looked down at the address in disbelief, Jesse looked over my shoulder, apparently not seeing the reason to be so worked up about this._

_But I was. Worked up, I mean._

_Because on that paper, was an address. _

_Not just any address, a specific one at that._

_Paul Slaters House._

Okay. Do you think I should continue? Lol. This is the real end now…

Parting word: Eggplant.


End file.
